


Fandom Compilations

by alicantetimelord



Category: Free!, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Gravity Falls, Haikyuu!!, Hunter X Hunter, Over the Garden Wall (Cartoon), Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, First Date, Fluff and Crack, I haven't written in months, Multi, Mutual Pining, Parenthood, Post-Canon, Self-Hatred, Social Anxiety, Wedding Fluff, it's really stupid I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-10-08
Packaged: 2018-03-17 18:46:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3540107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alicantetimelord/pseuds/alicantetimelord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was calling this crack, but I've started using this fic as just a place to post pretty much everything I write and not all of that is crack, so Yeah. Some of these are Tumblr prompts and some are my own ideas... Random Fandom Shit... Yeah...<br/>Chapter 1: Ahh... Weddings (Kagehina, Haikyuu!!)<br/>Chapter 2: Hinata's an annoying little shit of a boyfriend (Kagehina, Haikyuu!!)<br/>Chapter 3: Jeanmarco Cuteness (JeanMarco, Attack on Titan)<br/>Chapter 4: PinesCones and Sherlock (Pinescones, Over the Garden Wall/Gravity Falls)<br/>Chapter 5: Tea party at the Nanase-Matsuoka Houshold (RinHaru kinda, Free!)<br/>Chapter 6: One Direction Concerts and Dad!Eren (Attack on Titan)<br/>Chapter 7: First Dates Scare Nico (Jasico, Heroes of Olympus)<br/>Chapter 8: Ereri Easter Fic! (Ereri, Attack on Titan)<br/>Chapter 9: Long Time No See, Fullmetal (RoyEd, Fullmetal Alchemist)<br/>Chapter 10: Wirt! I Didn't Mean It! (Pinescone, Over the Garden Wall/Gravity Falls)<br/>Chapter 11: Leorio's a bit of a creep but whatever (LeoPika, Hunter x Hunter)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ahh... Weddings...

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fun fun Wedding!!!!!

            “… And so, in conclusion, I can’t imagine a more perfect couple. Best of luck to the king and the crow in their new life together!” Daichi concluded his speech by raising his champagne flute for a toast which the rest of the room followed.

            Daichi sat back down in between Kageyama and Suga as he took a sip from his drink. He glanced at Suga who smiled at him encouragingly before patting his shoulder. Daichi smiled back before looking over to Kageyama and Hinata (who had decided to both keep their last names for convenience purposes, plus Tobio would feel weird saying “dumbass Kageyama;” it just doesn’t have the same ring to it, in his opinion at least) on his other side.

            The two newlyweds wore identical expressions, both of them looking like they were trying to hold back tears. Daichi and Suga both were trying not to laugh at their ridiculous kohais.

            “ _Dai-Chan_!” Hinata wailed, not being able to hold back his tears anymore. He tried to reach across Kageyama, presumably to hug Daichi, but was stopped by a flailing Kageyama as his chair started to tip back.

            “Oi Dumbass Hinata!” Kageyama all but screeched in his panic to not fall over, “Are you trying to kill me?!”

            Immediately ceasing all attempts to hug Daichi, Shouyou made sure his husband’s chair was firmly on the ground before peppering Tobio with apologetic kisses.

            “No, no,” Shouyou crooned in between kisses, “I would _never_ …”

            As Shouyou continued to kiss him, Tobio was effectively reduced to the blushing teenager he had been when he and Shouyou had first started dating. Shouyou thought it was beyond adorable that even after four years of dating – and now a marriage – Tobio would still get this embarrassed about a few kisses in front of their friends. Especially since when they were alone… you know what? Never mind.

            Tobio and Shouyou, now very much in their own world, were so very rudely interrupted by Tsukishima’s arrogant voice.

            “Look Tadashi, the gays are at it again,” he said with a sneer.

            Yamaguchi gave his best friend a withering glare but before he could say anything Hinata beat him to it:

            “Shuddup you ridiculous French fry. Everyone here knows you’re getting your brains fucked out every night by Kuroo,” Hinata said lazily still kissing Kageyama. (What had started out as mere apology kisses had quickly turned into a full blown make-out session, but no one but Tsukishima would dare say anything. How could they deny Hinata and Kageyama this on their wedding night?)

            Tsukishima quickly turned redder than Nekoma’s uniform, sputtering something along the lines of  “n-no no I-I-I’m n-n-not!!!” while Kuroo just grinned like a cat, looking a little too happy with himself. Everyone else around the table shook their heads and went back to their own conversations, ignoring the husband’s excessive PDA and Tsukishima’s and Kuroo’s argument. (“Did you tell Hinata?” “Nah, but I did tell Kenma.” “Why would you do that? You knew he’d tell Hinata!” “It’s not that big of a deal.” “Well-” “I love you.” “… I love you too…” “Guys, I’m still here!” “Sorry Tadashi…”)

            When the dinner was concluded (and Hinata had detached himself from Kageyama) they made the announcement for all single persons to make their way to the middle of the dance floor, please. Slowly but surely, about half of the guests went to stand where they were directed, all of them looking excited from Tobio’s great aunt Chizu to Shouyou’s little sister Natsu.

            Shouyou looked to his husband with a look that was almost more excited than the group on the dance floor, then he glanced down at the bouquet he was holding and looked up again with a manic look in his eyes.

            “Tobio-“

            “You bet, Dumbass.”

            And Shouyou handed over the bouquet.

            No one else noticed this exchange except Suga who quickly pulled Ukai by his arm out of the group.

            “Hey,” their former coach protested, “what if I wanted to catch the bouquet? I may not be your coach any more but I still deserve respect from you brats!”

            Suga smiled and shook his head as he said, “You’ll tank me later.”

            More smiling ensued as Suga noticed Tanaka among the rest. He’d leave _him_ there…

            “Okay Shouyou!” Kageyama shouted to his husband, “Ready. Set!”

            The congregation in the middle looked on in confusion. This was not part of the drill. Usually the bride would simply toss the bouquet over their shoulder. What these guests failed to remember is that Hinata is a three-time volleyball national champion, the Small Giant 2.0, and he was here with Kageyama Tobio, King of the Court in the best sense of the phrase; together they made the unstoppable duo that led Karasuno to victory at nationals, not once, but twice, and then again at colligate nationals. And this was their wedding and there was no way in HELL they weren’t going to incorporate the thing they both loved second-best in the world into the most important day of their lives to date.

            Hinata flies through the air.

            He spikes the ball, bringing his hand down on the bouquet as hard as he can.

            “Oww!”

            “Aunt Chizu! Are you all right?!?”


	2. Hinata's an annoying little shit of a boyfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get tired of writing the in between parts so here's a dialogue with Kageyama and Hinata

Hinata: Hey, hey Kagebaka, what would happen to a werewolf if he went to the moon?

_Kageyama pushes him off the bed._

            Owww!

 No really Tobio, what would happen? If a werewolf transforms when they see the moon, when they are on the moon would they become like this super werewolf or something? Would it just be an ordinary transformation for them? Would they stay human? Would they EXPLODE? WHAT WOULD HAPPEN?

Kageyama: Dear fucking lord, dumbass. It doesn’t fucking matter! Just let me go to sleep!

_Hinata pounces on Kageyama._

Hinata: Gwaa! C’mon Kagebaka! What would happen? What would happen?

Kageyama: Hinata Shouyou, I swear to god, if you don’t shut up and go back to sleep…

                        _Hinata lies back down._

Good. Now come here. We’ve talked about this. No staying up late the night before a game. We need to get as much sleep as possible, right?

Hinata: But Tobio… What _would_ happen?

Kageyama: Jesus fucking Christ, I love you.

Hinata: I love you too, baka.

_They kiss and fall asleep, Hinata holding on very tight to Kageyama and vice-versa_


	3. Jeanmarco cuteness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So another Tumblr prompt.....

_Jaaaaaaaay + Emmmmmm_ Jean Kirschtein, age fifteen said in his mind as he quite elaborately, if he didn’t say so himself, doodled the initials of his crush and himself on the page that was supposed to be dedicated to notes on post World War 1 Europe, but who cares about history when there is a hot guy named Marco to dream about.

…

Jean outwardly blushed from embarrassment at his inner self.

 “Hey Jean,” aforementioned Marco lilted as he leaned over Jean’s shoulder to look at the doodles on the page below, “Whatcha drawin’?”

Jean had never moved faster in his life than that moment when he whipped the notebook shut and then under the table (for extra precautions) and turned around to face his boyfriend – no! best friend! – and stammered out, “N-n-nothing! It’s just something! Not important.”

Oh he was dying of mortification.

“Okay,” Marco frowned.

Jean desperately searched for a change of topic, “So what did you get for question 17 on the homework?”

 

Marco, age fifteen, tried reallllly hard not to get to upset when he saw what Jean had been drawing in his notebook.

He knew that Jean probably liked Mikasa, even though he hadn’t out-right said anything. Marco just had that intuition as a best friend. But oh how he wished that “M” had been so devotedly sketching out had stood for “Marco” and not “Mikasa”…

 


	4. PinesCones and Sherlock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper forces Wirt to watch Sherlock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for the record, this is the first time I've ever attempted to write these character's so if it's a bit OoC I'm sorry...  
> Also, there are things in here that could potentially spoil Sherlock season 3. Like I don't think it's really a spoiler at all, but some people are really sensitive to stuff like that.
> 
> Another thing, thank you for the kudos. I kinda don't understand why anybody actually like any of this stupid crap I've written, but hey! I ain't complaining!

“Come on you pointy-hatted prick! You said you would watch the new season of _Sherlock_ with me,” Dipper complained to his boyfriend Wirt, who sat quietly on the couch reading a book ( _Watership Down_ , by Richard Adams, if any of you cared to know. It’s quite a good book, in Wirt’s point of view.)

Calmly flipping the page, Wirt said monotonously, “Dipper, you know I don’t like _Sherlock_.”

“But dude. It’s the new season! I waited ‘cause I wanted to watch it with you, c’mon… Please?”  Dipper begged, setting his head on Wirt’s lap and looking up at him with the cutest face he could muster. Thankfully (but this is only a good thing in, like, two situations) Dipper had never really grown out of his baby face, so despite being in college, he could still utilize the cuteness he had as a child to convince his boyfriend to do things for him. These moments were not Dipper’s proudest, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

Wirt looked down at the man on his lap.

“Fine. Let’s do this.” Wirt deadpanned.

“Yes!” Dipper cheered and climbed up on the couch next to his boyfriend and Wirt, resigning himself to his fate, grabbed the television remote and turned on Netflix.

“Oh, Dipper,” Wirt sighed dramatically, “It’s not on Netflix. I guess that means we can’t watch it…” Wirt felt no sympathy.

“Don’t worry, I already put the DVD in.”

God fucking dammit, Dipper.

\---

Okay, so Wirt had to admit, he didn’t completely mind watching _Sherlock_ with his boyfriend. While watching this stupid show, Dipper, who was not usually one for cuddling or physical affection of any kind, had snuggled up to Wirt, tangling their legs together and even let Wirt put his arms around him. At parts Dipper found particularly intense, he would bury his face into Wirt’s chest, and basically Dipper was cute as fuck the entire time they sat there watching.

So yeah. Not all bad.

\---

“Hey Dipper, do you have a minute? I need–” Mabel broke off as she stepped into her brother and his boyfriend’s apartment and saw Dipper’s staring at the wall, his face wiped clean of all emotion.

“Wirt, what did you do to my brother?” Mabel demanded.

“I let him watch _Sherlock_ season three.”

“Moritarty…” Dipper moaned.

\---

THE NEXT MORNING

Wirt woke up to a kiss from Dipper.

“What was that for?” he asked drowsily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Dipper starred at Wirt for a little while with a small smile on his face.

“What?” Wirt demanded now frowning, less drowsy this time. He was very confused

Dipper hugged Wirt and murmured, “Thank you for watching it with me.”

Realization dawned on Wirt and he smiled and shook his head.

“Anytime, Pines… Anytime…” 


	5. Tea Party at the Nanase-Matsuoka Household

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read the title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'kay so Maka is about 4 just so you know.
> 
> Again, sorry for any OoC-ness, right now I'm really trying to get better at writing these character's (all of them not just Rin and Haru) but it doesn't always work out like I might have hoped.
> 
> Thanks for reading! Enjoy some stupid domestic fluff!

“Rin, Maka, I’m going to the store. We’re out of mackerel.”

“Okay babe, we’ll be here,” Rin shouts back to his husband, shaking his head at Haru’s ridiculous, irrational love of mackerel.

And the door slams shut.

Shaking off his exasperation, Rin turns immediately to his daughter, “Papa’s gone. You know what that means?”

Maka is giggling. Of course she knows what that means, but she shakes her ‘no’ anyway, feigning ignorance, because she knows what comes next if she keeps quite.

Rin picks Maka up and dances around the room before shouting out, “Tea Party!!!”

“Yay!! Tea Party!!” Maka cries back.

***Roughly 20 minutes later***

“Well, I must say Miss Snuffles, you’re dress looks absolutely _lovely_ tonight, and my my, Miss Flopsy, have you done something different with your fur?” Rin tittered away, talking to the stuffed animals Maka had set up around the tea table, much to the amusement of his daughter.

Originally Maka had asked to throw a tea party for her stuffed animals one day while Haru had been at swim practice. Seeing no way to nicely decline, Rin had reluctantly agreed, but since that day, it had become a tradition for whenever Haru would go out, and Rin looked forward to these times almost as much as Maka did. Of course there had been a slight issue when Maka – who had been looking for clothes to dress up the dolls in – stumbled up the maid’s outfit Rin and Haru used for… other things... and wanted to wear it herself. Rin had vehemently discouraged it, but in the end he conceded to wear it himself, just to keep her happy. Rin could never say no to Maka. (And since that day, he had refused to wear the maid’s outfit, or let Haru wear the maid’s outfit at any time during the sexy times.)

All that goes to make sure that one of Rin’s worst nightmares is Haru coming home whilst one of these tea parties is under way. He of course has a reputation to uphold, even with his own husband.  Not that he’s ashamed or anything, it’s just –

“Rin?”

Oh shit.

“Papa!” Maka squeals for joy. “Come join me and Dad! We were just about to get everyone another cup of tea!”

Rin looks at Haru. He is fairly certain Haru is going to walk out right then and there.

“Okay.”

But then again, Rin’s husband is full of suprises.

Haru sits down at the table and graciously accepts an empty plastic cup from Maka.

“Now I know why you stooped wearing the maid’s uniform.”


	6. One Direction Concerts and Dad!Eren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I thought of this on my own and I think it's cute as fuck. Parent!Eren and Kid!Mikasa makes me happy. I'm not sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Sorry again for any OoC!!! If you guys have any idea of promts or shit I appreciate it!! Enjoy!

“Come _on_ , Dad!” a girl of about nine shouted back to her father, aggressively pulling the arm of said father  through the hordes of preteen girls in band shirts and a splatter of middle-aged parents who looked like they needed a drink, in her excitement to reach their destination.

Eren stumbled after his daughter, somehow managing to find – and trip on – every crack in the whole goddamn amphitheater. Why did he do this again? Oh, right. Because No One (capitalized appropriately) could say no to Mikasa, his little angel. That’s to say, Mikasa is such a quiet, compliant girl; she so rarely outwardly shows excitement over something like she did when she had asked Eren if they could come to this infernal concert. Eren had known that Mikasa would have quietly accepted a rejection – she knew how tight money was in the Jaeger household – but she would’ve been so disappointed, and Eren didn’t know if he’d be able to look at himself in the mirror if he’d done that to his baby girl.

So, he sucked up his stupid male ego and bought tickets to a fucking _One Direction concert_.

His so-called friend, Jean, had laughed his ass off when Eren had told him what had happened and told him he needed to stop indulging Mikasa, that he had no backbone when it came to her, but so what? Eren had pictures on his phone of Jean in makeup and a princess tiara from Mikasa’s last birthday. If Eren had no backbone when it came to Mikasa, Jean was just as bad. (Plus, what Jean had said really was true, Eren just didn’t see a problem with it. Suck it Kirschtein.

All that mattered was that his baby girl was happy.

 


	7. First Dates Scare Nico

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay just look at the title

Nico _really, **really**_ liked Jason Grace. He hadn’t always. Far from it.

Like everything, their relationship grew.

In the beginning at Camp Jupiter, Nico had scoffed at the hot-shot Praetor. It wasn’t that he disliked the guy, it was just that he had seen it all before with Percy. Percy was awesome and cool and powerful (and cute, if Nico was going to be honest with himself); Jason was just a repeat. Redundant. Nothing worth of Nico’s notice. He had enough of powerful, hot demigods tempting him.

Of course. That was a year ago.

Now…

“Nico! Your _boyfriend_ is here!” Hazel sang from downstairs.

It was their first date.

Nico quickly checked himself over in the full body mirror hanging on his door.

Hair? Washed and at least a little styled.

Clothes? Not depressing.

Eyes? The ever-present dark circle’s effect had been slightly diminished by the concealer Hazel had lent him. She said it was a must, which was weird because she also said the black eyeliner she forced on him was a must as well. But she was his sister and she knew more about this than he did.

Somewhat satisfied with his current appearance, Nico rushed down the stairs taking them two at a time and almost tripping in the process. Despite all his excitement, or perhaps because of it, when Nico saw Jason standing in the doorway making small talk with Hazel, he froze.

At first glance, Jason looked like he normally did, but the more Nico looked at him, the more evidence he saw of the work Jason had put in for this day.

“Oh there you are Nico!” Hazel exclaimed. “It took you long enough!”

Nico rolled his eyes. And this was his _little_ sister. (Depending on how you looked at it.)

“Hey,” he said with a raise of his hand.

“Hey!” Jason returned with admittedly more enthusiasm than Nico. “Are you ready?”

Jason held his hand out to Nico, and Nico took it gratefully, wrapping his fingers around Jason’s hand. He found so much comfort in Jason. Jason held tight onto Nico’s hand all the time, as if keeping the boy from sinking down to the Underworld. When they were out together at large venues, even before they were dating, Jason would always pull Nico away from the shadows where he would so often lurk. On his own, Nico would stay in the darkness, but Jason… Jason pulled him into the light.

“Yeah,” Nico sighed. “Let’s go.”

And he turned to let Jason lead him out of the house to whatever Jason had planned for their date.

“WAIT!!!” came a frantic shout from behind them.

Jason and Nico whipped their heads back around to look at what made the noise.

“Smile!” exclaimed Hazel, camera poised and ready.

“Hazel…” Nico groaned. “Are you really going to do this-“

_Click_

Nico glowered at his sister, as Jason and Hazel laughed together.

“Okay you two lovebirds,” Hazel chuckled. “Get going!”

Nico and Jason evacuated the premises; Jason still giggling at what had just happened.

“I’m going to get Hazel to send that picture to me.”

“Don’t you dare.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!


	8. Ereri Easter Fic!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I suck at writing summaries. Plus this one is especially short.

" _Leeeeeeeviiiiiii_ ," Eren sang as he walked into the room where his boyfriend was currently reading a book. "Happy Easter!!!"

Levi looked up from his book exasperated. 

"Eren, I'm Jewish."

Eren pouted. "Sooooo..."

"And  _you're_ atheist."

"Touche." Eren said with a point of his finger in Levi's direction.

"Want to rewatch _Avengers_?"

"Hell yeah, Brat." 


	9. Long time no see Fullmetal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy and Ed meet for the 1st time in 4 years. Actually, it's just a flash back to their last meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was actually thinking about continuing this. But Idk... Thank you for all the kudos; it really means a lot.

“Long time no see, Fullmetal.” Roy whistled under his breath.

Four years had passed between the last time Roy had seen his ex-subordinate. After the Promised Day (and Edward had lost his alchemy), Edward had been honorably discharged from the military. There last conversation had followed the ceremony.

\--

“Well Colonel Bastard. I’m finally out.” Ed sighed, his head hanging back resting on the back of the couch in Roy’s office.

“About time too. I can almost imagine how much easier my job is going to be now that you’re gone. No more calls from local offices saying you’re in the hospital… No more damage reports that take hours to complete… And now you’ll have to pay for all the expenses you have that you just mooch off the military for! Hah!” Roy exclaimed, absolutely giddy.

Ed rolled his eyes. “Come on Bastard, just admit you’re going to miss me.”

“Not if my life depended on it, Fullmetal.”

Ed rolled his eyes again and stretched towards the ceiling, “Well the feeling’s mutual then Colonel Bastard,” Ed moaned.

Roy pointedly cleared his throat and shuffled his papers.

“So what’s next for Alphonse and yourself?” Roy asked partly because he was genuinely curious, but mostly just to change the topic.

“I was planning on going to Xing with Ling. Learn about Alchehestry an’ all…” Ed breathed out, continuing his stretches and loosening his tie. Ed’s shirt had lifted up a bit to reveal a frankly indecent amount of skin for someone Ed’s age.

Roy rearranged his pens.

“And Alphonse?”

“Oh, he’s going back to Resembool with Winry. He wants to be with his gurlfriend,” Ed jeered, snickering to himself.

That caught Roy’s attention, “Wait. Alphonse with Miss Rockbelle? I was under the impression that it was you who was in a relationship with her.”

“Ew no! She’s like a sister to me… Ugh… that would be so _weird_ ,” Ed shivered.

Well that was certainly news to Roy.

“So I take it you’re not in a relationship at all then?” Roy inquired, his interest piqued; he honestly could not imagine Ed with anyone but Miss Rockbelle. The way they had always acted around each other gave the feeling that they were together, or on their way to being together. And Roy had always taken pride in his ability to read people. If not Miss Rockbelle, who else could it be?

Much to Roy surprise, Ed actually, honest to god _blushed_. “I-I didn’t say that…” Ed’s sentence trailed off as he pointedly stared at the coffee table.

Roy leaned forward on his elbows, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Oh really, Fullmetal? Who is it?”

Ed crossed his arms defensively. “Like I’m going to tell you,” he grumbled.

“Hey!” Ed suddenly shouted, breaking out of the embarrassed school-boy thing he had had  going on for that past few moments, “What about you?!?”

Roy leaned back, “What do you mean ‘what about you?’?”

“Well, you and Hawkeye are pretty close, and now that everything’s settled down, are you going to make a move on her?” Ed demanded.

Roy blinked at Ed, confused at what he was asking.

“Oh…” Roy’s eyes widened as he realized what Ed was talking about. “You think… that me and Hawkeye… Oh that’s rich!”

Slapping his knee, Roy burst out laughing.

Ed stood up, taking a defensive stance, obviously less than pleased that he had been incorrect, or perhaps he was upset because of Roy’s reaction, whatever the reason, Ed was now successfully pissed off. “Hey, it’s a completely logical conclusion! Everyone already thinks you’re dating.” Ed growled.

“Hey now,” Roy tried to pacify the angered Elric, however Roy was still laughing and wiping tears from his eyes so a bit of the effectiveness was lost. “I’m just saying, Hawkeye isn’t my type at all.”

“whatever.” Ed flopped back down on the couch.

An awkward silence ensued.

Roy cleared his throat, and in an effort to stop short any negativity that was brewing between the two of them, said, “Well Fullmetal, I guess you are hereby dismissed.”

Ed stood up and walked to the door before pausing. “You know you don’t have to call me ‘Fullmetal any more right? I mean, I’m not part of the military anymore.”

Roy pondered what Ed had said for a few seconds.

“Are you going to still call me Colonel Bastard?”

“Yes, of course! What else would I call you?”

“And there you have your answer.”

Ed bristled.

“Good bye Fullmetal. Keep in touch.”  
“Yeah, yeah… Good bye Bastard.”

\--

“Well, well, Bastard…” Edward drawled in the present. “I leave you alone for four years only to come back and see you have a squirrel living on your lip.”

“Oh leave the moustache out of it.”


	10. Wirt! I Didn't Mean It!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I based this fic off of Arkaena's lovely art which you can find here: http://arkaena.tumblr.com/post/117724958209/dipper-tries-to-hang-out-with-cool-guys-but-when  
> She is an amazing artist, so while you're at it, you should check out some of her other stuff too!  
> I changed it just a tiny bit so yeah...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long since I actually finished anything oh my god. Where I am, It's 4:30 in the morning, but I was tired of this not being done, especially since I love this idea so much. There's a few things you need to know before you read, just so things are a little less confusing. In this AU, Wirt is Biromantic but homosexual, and Dipper is Panromantic Grey-Ace. They are in college, and if it really matter's Wirt is 21 and Dipper is 19. There's a few things in here that could be triggering, probably not, but I like to be safe. Wirt struggles with self-hate and both of them have anxiety, the degree to which differs. Also, apologies if my writing is a bit confusing. This is un-beta'd. Oh, and sorry if any of this id OoC, I'm still learning how to write these characters lol.

There was a loud roar of laughter. Wendy must have been going on about her ex again. There was no end to the stupid things we heard about him from her.

“Oh hey, Dip,” Wendy hollered when she saw Dipper walking up to where their friends were sitting on the hill after a long day of classes.

Dipper trudged up the hill, lugging his enormous bookbag with him, and replied with a, “Hey Wendy. Hey guys,” as he observed/studied/took note of the rest of the group.

Mabel was sitting criss-cross apple sauce (she got him into the habit of saying it like that) in the grass with her “MABEL” sweater on with Greg laying down in the grass next to her, giggling about something. Wendy was leaning nonchalantly against a tree.  Beatrice listening to her story intently next to her. And Wirt was looking up from a book and smiling as he watched Dipper walk up the hill. Dipper smiled back at his boyfriend. Well, technically, they were dating, not that anyone knew they were or anything. Dipper really loved Wirt and Wirt loved him back, but they had never really found the right time to tell everyone. And if Dipper was being completely honest, he was a little scared of what everyone might say. For now Dipper and Wirt both were content with secret dates on free days and the occasional cuddle whenever Dipper was up for it. (Wirt was  _ always  _ up for cuddles. Dipper thought it was cute.)

Dropping his bag on the ground, Dipper sunk to the grass beside where Wirt was sitting to look at the book he was reading.

“ _ Huckleberry Finn _ .” Dipper groaned, punching Wirt lightly on the shoulder, “You’ve read that book like twenty times!”

Wirt turned away from Dipper, acting offended, but couldn’t keep the smile off his face. 

“You’re one to talk! You’ve reread your  _ textbooks _ ! Besides, this book really resonates with me.” Wirt explained, holding the book to his chest.

Dipper lay down looking up at the sky, “Whatever, you nerd.”

“Oh  _ I’m _ the nerd. This coming from the guy who wakes up disappointed on weekends. ”

“Shut up.” Dipper laughed, giving Wirt a playful shove.

Dipper sighed and leaned back until he lay on the grass, wind tickling his nose. 

He loved days like this, where everyone just gathered and talked and had fun. Dipper couldn’t put into words how happy it made him to just relax here with his friends ( _ Although,  _ he pondered _ , Wirt probably could put it into words, if he wanted _ .)

There was a jab on Dipper’s left side and he looked up to see Mabel giving him her good-old goofy smile. 

“Hey, bro-bro. Guess what? I taught Waddles to say Greg’s name!!! I’m so proud of him, he’s growing up to be a fine pig, you know.”

 

Their little moment was interrupted by Wendy, “Oh my god, you guys are so dating!”

And the perfect song that was this moment screeched to a terrible stop.

Dipper sat straight up as if had been electrocuted and moved all too far away from Wirt all too quickly.

“W-what?! No. No way. Wirt and I are not  _ dating _ . I would never date  _ Wirt _ !” Dipper exclaimed defensively.

Everyone went silent.

“Ooookay then. I didn’t mean anything by it you know,” Wendy said, breaking the silence.

Just then Dipper realized what he had just said and he turned to gauge Wirt’s reaction. and it was even worse than Dipper expected. He had fucked up. He knew it. and he didn’t even mean what he said! Not that there was an excuse for it anyway...

“Right,” Wirt mumbled through a clearly cracked voice, “There’s no way Dipper would ever date me. That’s ridiculous. Totally… ridiculous.”

Wirt could hardly get the last word out before he ran down the hill and away from the group of people. He had even left his book in his haste to get away. Dipper had seriously fucked up.

“Dipper Pines,” Mabel scolded her twin, “If you do not run after him right now and fix this, I’ll...”

Greg watched as his brother fled, then back to Dipper, worried about his brother and confused about what exactly just happened. Greg looked to Dipper for answers, the boy’s concern over what had just happened evident on his face. Dipper couldn’t have felt as guilty as he did at that moment.

“Oh shit,” Dipper whispered to himself as he ran down the hill after Wirt, praying that he could fix this. He reached the dorm building where they lived and frantically scampered up the stairs to unlock his door. 

“Wirt?!” he pleaded, “Wirt! Please listen to me! I didn’t mean it!” 

Dipper realized after looking around the room that Wirt wasn’t there. And he remembered. Wirt had another dorm room. He had just been using it for storage after Dipper had invited Wirt to come live in his dorm since he didn’t have a roommate. But after what Dipper had said, why would Wirt have come here? It’s not like this was his home. Despite them living together for the past semester. No. Wirt didn’t have to come back here. And, really, why would he? After what had just happened...

Cursing under his breath, Dipper fumbled for his phone inside his pocket and tapped the screen violently, searching for Wirt’s contact number. He jammed his finger onto the call button and held the smart phone to his ear, worriedly and impatiently listening to the ringing.

“C’mon, Wirt. Please. Please pick up,” Dipper whispered, on the verge of tears. Soon, he heard the sound of Wirt’s voice, in his voicemail, that is.

“ _ Hey, this is Wirt. Sorry I couldn’t reach the phone, but leave a message and I’ll call you back. Maybe.” _

He heard the beep that indicated he could leave a message. 

“Wirt,” his voice betrayed his desperate need to apologize, not that he was trying to hide that, and the tears that had started to flow, which his stupid male ego hated, “Please, listen to me. I didn’t mean what I said! Just, please! I need to talk to you.”

Dipper hung up the phone, “Dammit!” he screamed, not really knowing what to do. It’s really was no surprise that Wirt wasn’t taking his calls. 

Not even really thinking about it, Dipper started walking towards Wirt’s original dorm he remembered Wirt showing him at the beginning of the year. It had grown dark since the meeting on the hill. Everything seemed sad to Dipper; the girls laughing on their way to presumably a club seemed to mock him as their laughter echoed in the street.  _ You messed up. _ They said.  _ You’re such a coward. And now you’ve ruined the best relationship you’ve ever had. And most importantly, you made Wirt cry. How could you? Coward, coward, coward! _

Dipper pulled out his phone. If calling didn’t work, maybe Wirt would answer his texts messages. It was a longshot, but Dipper was desperate.

**To: My Lovely Gnome**

Wirt im so fucking sorry!!! 

**To: My Lovely Gnome**

i didnt mean ANY of it!!!

**To: My Lovely Gnome**

Wirt? 

**To: My Lovely Gnome**

Wirt! Talk to me please!!!!!

**Incoming text from: My Lovely Gnome**

You should have told me you do not want to date me.

No. No! That wasn’t what Dipper meant at all! Dipper started typing out his frantic reply, but:

**Incoming text from: My Lovely Gnome**

I wish you luck.

That sounded like a good bye. Why did it sound like a good bye? WHY DID IT SOUND LIKE A GOODBYE? Dipper was not going to let Wirt do this. End their relationship. Not now, and not because of this. Dipper put his phone away and with new resolve, and started outright sprinting to Wirt’s dorm room.

Fast up the stairs, he went to where he remembered Wirt’s dorm was, shouting apologies behind him as he knocked over multiple people in the hallway and on the stair case.

“Hey Wirt!” Dipper banged on the door, determined to talk to Wirt and fucking fix this, “Wirt! Open up-”

The door opened slowly, but it was not Wirt who opened the door. It was... Jason Funderberker. 

Are you fucking kidding me.

“Why hello there Dipper,” Jason Funderberker greeted Dipper dully, “What a pleasant surprise it is to have you come visit me. I can only assume from you’re excited tone that you wish to converse about Statistics. Why I cannot imagine a better topic, I am so glad you brought it up-”

That was all the Jason Funderberker that Dipper could take, especially since he could see Wirt in the room, curled up in a ball on his bed.

Dipper pulled Jason Funderberker out of the doorway and into the hallway and slammed the door behind him. He and Wirt had a lot to talk about and Funderberker sitting in the corner babbling on about whatever would really not help at all.

“I see! Perhaps you wish to discuss Mr. Khare’s latest lecture at another time?” Jason Funderberker called through the door, clearly not taking a hint. Dipper ignored him.

“Wirt?” Dipper called out softly, his bravado from before dissipating. The room was thick with despair, an almost tangible sorrow mixed in. Dipper could taste the dismal aura Wirt gave off, and he was catching it.

“I thought we broke up.”

Wirt’s voice was clear and cutting, but fragile, like he was doing everything he could to hold himself together. It didn’t leave much to Dipper’s imagination to sympathize.

Before Dipper could reply and give his explanation, Wirt spoke again. 

“I mean, if you didn’t want to go out anymore I would’ve understood. I do understand. What I don’t understand is why you lead me on like that. When you said that you liked me, I believed you. When you said that you loved me, I believed that, too. God, I am such an idiot, aren’t I? There’s no way anyone could ever say that to me. Especially you.”

Dipper didn’t know how to respond. He knew that Wirt had trouble accepting that Dipper liked him. Boy had it taken a  _ lot  _ of convincing. So Dipper had been exposed a little to Wirt’s self deprecating tendencies. But not like this, never like this before. Dipper had no idea Wirt had felt this way. What kind of a boyfriend was he? For all he knew, Wirt was plagued by these thoughts everyday, and today, Dipper had just confirmed them. Dipper sat down on the other bed, trying to come up with a way to respond. 

When Dipper sat down, Wirt laughed. If you could really call it laughter. “I guess I should have been tipped off earlier. The signs were there.”

Wait, what the hell was he talking about?

Dipper looked at Wirt, distraught and confused.

“I mean, can you even remember the last time you really kissed me?” Wirt choked through a hollow laugh.

What? Dipper was confused; hadn’t they talked  about this? They had talked about this when they first started dating, Dipper was sure, and Wirt always said that it didn’t bother him. Had he only been saying so he wouldn’t hurt Dipper’s feelings? Dipper had always thought that they showed their affection just as much, but in different ways. Like what about the meal he had made for Wirt that one time since Wirt was missing his mother's home cooking? What about when he had made Wirt take a break from the paper he'd been working on because he hadn't slept in 24 hours, and Dipper knew his anxiety was getting bad? Had Wirt been lying when he said that was enough?  In actuality did Wirt truly crave all the physical affection that Dipper was not giving him?

“I mean, honestly? I don’t blame you. Who would actually willingly date me, let alone kiss me?” Wirt snorted, not giving Dipper room to say anything, “You can lie about it all you want and tell me i’m being crazy, but we both know it’s true. Can you actually think of any redeeming qualities i have? I’m awkward and shy and lame and ugly and nerdy and— just what would anyone find attractive in me? I’m a mess. I mean, look at me, for God’s sake. Can you honestly look at me right now and say you love me?” He paused. Dipper’s mouth just couldn’t form words as Wirt looked up at him with a cold and empty smile.

Wirt snorted again, as if proving a point, “Exactly.” 

“No, Wirt. Stop this,” Dipper pleaded. “You know that’s not true.”

Wirt curled in on himself separating himself further from Dipper.

“Wirt, you know I-” Dipper cut himself off. He was going to say ‘you know I love you’ but it was heartbreakingly obvious that Wirt didn’t. The thought made Dipper want to cry even more. Dipper swallowed forcefully before amending what he was going to say. “Wirt, I love you. Truly. I love you so much. I know what I said today. But there is nothing I want more in the world than to be with you everyday for the rest of my life.”

Wirt rolled back around to look Dipper in the eye. He didn’t seem to be believing Dipper. But that only made Dipper’s resolve stronger. He was going to fix this fucking mess he had made, and he was going to make damn sure that if nothing else, Wirt could realize just how amazing he is. 

“You obviously have no idea how wonderful you are. You are funny and oh so smart. You’re always there to listen to my theories when even Mable has walked away. Do you know how many people tell me to shut up about them? But you... You never do, and that means the world to me. Life around you, is better. When I’m with you, you make me feel like I matter. I can be myself around you, safe in the knowledge that you won’t judge me. Every hard day, all those days, you know the ones. I know all too well that you have them too. They don’t hurt as much, because I know that I’m coming home to you. When anxiety hits hard, I don’t panic as much anymore, because I know that you will always be there. I’d like to think that you feel the same about me,” Dipper gave a soft laugh. He took off his cap and twisted it in his hands. “Kinda a conceited thing to think, huh?”

Dipper’s eyes started to water the longer he stared at Wirt, who was also holding back tears.

“Look at me. I’m a fucking mess right now dude,” Dipper chuckled again. “And you know what? That ain’t even the half of it. I don’t just need you like a security blanket or whatever. I just... Want to be with you. Always.... I can’t imagine not seeing you everyday. I don’t even want to try to! You are the most adorable human being to ever grace this earth. No! I’m not joking!” Dipper added when he saw Wirt scoff. Wirt finally sat up to look at Dipper. “You’re eyes are one of the deepest shades of brown I’ve ever seen. In them I see warmth, that welcoming, comforting look that never leaves your gaze, even when we fight. You know you’re too damn soft with me? And your hair. You’ve never seen your hair  _ right _ when you wake up, and that’s a damn shame, ‘cause it’s one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. You with your hair sticking all over the place... Really, it’s quite unfair to you that you never get to see it. But you know what my favorite thing about you is?” Dipper gave Wirt a watery smile, which Wirt returned hesitantly.

His smile was brittle, like he was unsure of where this was going, but he asked anyway, “What?”

“Your nose. Even right now, I want to lean over and boop you right on that precious nose of yours. You’ve told me before that you don’t like your nose, well I can’t imagine why.”

Wirt was blushing now, but Dipper wasn’t done yet.

“Today, there’s no excuse for what I did. I hurt you. Period. And for that, I am so, sincerely sorry. I panicked. And I regret whole-heartedly what happened. For what it’s worth, I would everyone up right now and proudly proclaim that, yes, you are my boyfriend.”

Dipper pauses before saying, “Everything I’ve said, you know it really doesn’t matter. The only thing in this whole god-forsaken world that will ever matter to me is that I love you. I love you so much. And I hope... that even after today, you will still have me?”

Dipper looked hesitantly at Wirt. The ball’s in Wirt’s court now. Where they go from here, is all up to Wirt. Dipper can tell that Wirt knows this too. But he doesn’t take long to decide.

Not thirty seconds pass before Wirt stands up and moves to sit next to Dipper on the other bed. Wirt takes Dipper’s hands in his and looks earnestly into Dipper’s eyes.

“I’m not going to apologize for how I reacted,” Wirt starts by saying. “But... Dipper, I forgive you. I understand why you did what you did and said what you said, and now that we’ve talked about it, I’ve calmed down. I love you, Dipper, and that’s never going to change.”

Both Dipper and Wirt break into identical smiles.

“You know, I think I know why we’re so perfect for eachother,” Dipper pokes Wirt in the stomach.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Wirt asks and retaliates with his own jab at Dipper’s stomach.

“We’re both idiots,” Dipper teases.

Wirt laughs, genuinely. He’s far from being totally recovered from what happened, but he does feel better. Better is always good. As long as you improve, you’re doing fine. That’s something Dipper said to him once.

“Hey Dipper,” Wirt asks, “Can I kiss you?”

“Yeah, you dork, you can kiss me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's something I forgot to say. I feel kinda uneasy about a few thing's Wirt said in regards of Dipper's asexuality. Just to be clear, Wirt wasn't in a right state of mind when he said that. He was drawing from all his insecurities, and unfortunately that's one that I figured he would have. I really HATE how I had Wirt pull from that aspect of the life I developed for them in this AU, but I figured it would be realistic. Just to be clear, what Wirt, the character, says does not reflect my beliefs. In fact, in this case, our views would be opposite. Also, I do not believe that what Wirt says is how he really feels. I just... Idk. I will probably work on revising this.


	11. Leorio's a bit of a creep but whatever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leorio just wanted to workout.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so how do you write LeoPika? Don't ask me, I have no idea. I'm sorry lol. Anyway, thank you for reading!

After being shown up by two twelve year olds for the up-teenth time, Leorio decided it was high time he started hitting the gym again. It wasn’t that Leorio was by any means _weak_ , but Killua and Gon were super “humans.” Still, it didn't do much for Leorio’s self esteem when a middle schooler could slam his hand on the table in an arm wrestling contest in five seconds flat.

So here he was. At the gym. Lifting weights. And everything would be going according to plan, except that right in front of Leorio was the most gorgeous specimen of human he had ever been granted the possibility to gaze upon, looking oh-too-attractive than should be allowed when doing pushups.  

This angel on earth flaunted their ethereal beauty with no thought to the effect they had on the ones around them. Small shorts hugged their ass in the best way imaginable, a blue and gold tank top showed off their lean muscles that pulled taut as they moved _up_ and _down_. Sweat glistened on their exposed skin, making them shine even in the dim light. Their long blonde hair swung in their face, hiding their features, but that didn’t matter to Leorio. As far as he was concerned, pushups had never, in all of his life, looked that sexy.

Anyway, that working out thing probably wasn’t going to happen so long as this person was here making Leorio feel all hot and bothered.

Without warning, the person doing pushups stood up. They startled Leorio so much that he dropped the weights he had been pretending to work with, right onto his toes. 100 pounds (45 kilograms) dropped. Right onto his toes.

“MOTHER FUCK!” Leorio jumped, lost his balance, and fell over clutching his foot.

 _ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow_ , Leorio couldn’t think anything else for a few seconds and didn’t even notice push up person coming over to where he was working.

“Hey, are you alright?” a concerned voice asked somewhere above Leorio.

Leorio was still rocking back and forth massaging his foot, but he managed to stammer out an answer, “Ye-yeah... I’m - ah - good! Just-just dropped my weights. Fucking _ow!!!_ ”

“Maybe you should know your limits and not lift above what you’re capable of not dropping,” came the snarky reply.

“That’s not fair!” Leorio protested, “I usually don’t have any problems at this level, I was just distracted-”

Leorio stopped short when he lifted his head to set this person straight and was met with the godly body he had been lusting over for the past however-many-minutes. Leorio’s jaw fell slack. As attractive as this person had been doing pushups at a distance, if possible, they were even more so up close.

Leorio could finally see their face, and from that moment he knew he would be seeing _a lot_ more of that face, one way or another. Intelligent brown eyes flashing in amusement, surrounded by long eyelashes, so long that Leorio was sure that whenever they blinked their lashes would brush their cheek. A soft jaw line complimented their small pointed nose and full pink lips. The aforementioned lips curved slightly in a smirk. Their face was flushed a subtle red from the work out they had just finished.

“Hm? Distracted, do you say? By what may I ask?” they rested a hand on their cocked hip.

“Um…” Leorio frantically tried to come up with a believable excuse, but damn, this person was distracting as fuck. Leorio kept getting his focus drawn to one aspect or another, lips, eyes, shoulders, hair, that fucking cocked hip. He was in the presence of a deity, and a mortal such as himself couldn’t do much more than bask in the overwhelming aura.

This person was still staring at Leorio, awaiting an answer. _Ah fuck it_.

“You.”

“Pardon, I didn’t catch it,” they quipped in a playful tone.

They were so doing this on purpose.

“You,” Leorio repeated. “You are really attractive, and you were right in front of me doing those pushups, and I got distracted by you. Happy now?”

They blinked at Leorio, twice, before abruptly saying, “Hello, I’m Kurapika.”

The person, Kurapika, held out a hand to Leorio, who eyed it warily before taking hold. Kurapika heaved Leorio off the ground in one swift motion, pulling them close so that their chests were touch, but Leorio really wasn’t sure if that was on purpose or not, so he quickly retracted his and stepped back, nearly tripping over a forgotten dumbbell in the process.

“Hello Kurapika,” Leorio answered, trying to act as suave as he could after the past events. “My name is Leorio.”

“You know, Leorio,” Kurapika said, “I could tell you were staring at me.”

“Wh-what!?” Leorio sputtered, but Kurapika kept talking over him.

“You didn’t do a good job of hiding it. At all.”

“Hey!” Leorio tried to protest, but Kurapika ignored him again.

“If you want me to be honest, I was really quite flattered.”

“…oh,” was all Leorio could manage.

He stood there awkwardly as Kurapika took his turn staring at Leorio.

“And you seem very cute. A but clumsy, yes, but... _nice_ ,” Kurapika appraised him, gesturing to Leorio's whole body. Kurapika reached into their back pocket and started typing swiftly before handing the phone to Leorio. “Here, enter your number if you’d like to go out sometime.”

Despite how very confused Leorio was with the situation, he entered his number and dumbly handed Kurapika their phone back.

“I’ll text you later to figure out a time. Nice to meet you, Leorio,” and with that, Kurapika turned and walked towards the locker room, hips swaying in a way that _had_ to be on purpose.

 

* * *

 

 

After Kurapika left, Leorio redid his workout, showered, and drove home, all in a daze. Leorio got home from the gym and plopped down in a living room chair next to Gon and Killua who were watching some cartoon.

“How was your work out?” Gon chirped, turning down the television.

“I think I have a date,” Leorio deadpanned. (He still wasn’t quite sure what had happened.)

"Impossible,” Killua laughed.

“Killua!” Gon chided.

Yeah, Leorio couldn’t believe it either.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't judge me


End file.
